i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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