If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
