just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
