do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Randomize