my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
