I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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