White coat. Heels.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize