Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
