I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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