after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
