I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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