Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
