btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your cock deserves a montage
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
