I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
