I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
