i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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