She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
