all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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