My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
