i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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