matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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