$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
