I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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