What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
