he told me I talked like a deaf person
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
