wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i think i have herpe
just one?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
