I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
