ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize