He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
