Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
