Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
