i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
