Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
