dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Never underestimate the power of titties
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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