C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
