Will you blow on my dice?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
