We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
