O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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