Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize