My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
