I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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