i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
