Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
