Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
