now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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