I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
