i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
