I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
