just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
