so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
