Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
