It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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