Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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