Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Farmville is her only friend.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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