I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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