he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
