"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
