if you like me you must not know who I am
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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