Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
We had sex on a dog bed..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
