Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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