if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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