he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
