GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize