You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
