with your own penis?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
