Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
