bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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