My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You left your underwear on the fireplace
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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