i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
