I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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