Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
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