Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
