You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
