before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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