turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
