He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
did i just pee glitter
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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