why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
