i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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