The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
