If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
